...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
