woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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