At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
