I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
