So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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