If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
