Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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