at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
