In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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