Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
