sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
