You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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