i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
