In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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