dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
