I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
