I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
