someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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