is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
