You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
