Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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