i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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