Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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