I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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