just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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