since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
