If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
