I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
