We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
