the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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