roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
