he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
