Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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