that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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