Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
