you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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