As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's just like the Real World with babies
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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