I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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