So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize