I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
