i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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