With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
