did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
