My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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