Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
