i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
