Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
