i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
