I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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