I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
