....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's the barista slut.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
