So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
