well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
