He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how drunk are you?
Several
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
