I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
