so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
