If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
a search helicopter?!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
