Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
