You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
