i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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