i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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