i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
