I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
