..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need help removing her.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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