So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nutella sex= disaster
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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