Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone signed my nipple.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
