I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i jhust puked up my retainher.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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