Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
