Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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