life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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