you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
