Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
