I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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