as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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