i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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