Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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