He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
