I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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