We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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