i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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