is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
