new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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