Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?

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(713): View more from Texas

I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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(408): View more from California

I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her

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(541): View more from Oregon

THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"

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(702): View more from Nevada

Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts

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