Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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