I think I died a long time ago.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
